Is it just me?

I read something a lil while ago that really made me wonder if I’m the only one that feels the way I feel about commitment or if the majority of people really view it as some big sacrifice. I mean commitment is a big deal, something that shouldn’t be taking lightly but it’s not the end of the world. What I read was a list of a young man’s…I guess cons of commitment? They go as follows: “Compromise, loss of independence, sacrifice of sexual variety, and financial devastation”

Let me go in on this financial devastation first cause that’s what really threw me for a loop. How does commitment equal financial devastation? In what sense? Because the way I see it, you could be financially devastated by your damn self. You don’t need help with ruining your credit, or accumulating debt. The only way I could see commitment having anything to do with your finances is if you have a joint account with your significant other (which constitutes marriage) and they’re spending money all willy nilly. But even then, that has more to do with this person’s spending habits rather than the fact that you’re committed to them. Not everyone has bad spending habits or don’t know how to spend money so there’s a pretty big chance you won’t have that problem. Especially if you talk about these things and see what kind of person you’re dealing with before you decide to commit.

Anyway…back to the reason of why I chose that title. The first 3 on that list seems to be everyone’s problem with commitment. Is it really that big of a deal though? Compromise applies to everything in life. You’re not always going to have things going your way. Compromise is essential at work, at school, and just dealing with people in general. You’re going to have to learn how to meet people half way, it is what it is. Independence…commitment shouldn’t cost you your independence. Yes you’re not free to be with whoever you want to but when you decided you didn’t want to be single anymore you voluntarily gave that up did you not? So what does it matter? Other than that, you should still be the same person. Free to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, and speak to whoever you want. Your significant other shouldn’t stop you from doing any of this. The only thing you have to keep in mind is the line of respect. Yes you can talk to whomever, but don’t flirt or, more specifically, lead them on when you know you have a significant other. Yes you can do whatever you want minus anything that you know for a fact would hurt your significant other. I mean all this shouldn’t be a big deal to you, and if it is…why are you in a commitment? Faithfulness is what comes along with commitment…how is it a con? Which brings me to “sacrifice of sexual variety”. Very fancy way of saying you can’t fuck whoever, whenever you want. Is that really a con? I mean I don’t get people who make such a big deal out of that. Like for example, that video with Kevin Hart’s ex-wife saying she was unhappy because she’s had the same dick for the past 6 years. Some women really think like that (and men as far as pussy goes) and I just don’t get it. I mean did you not realize that you were saying you were kool with having the same dick for the rest of your life when you were reading your vows? Lol really though? I mean I’ve never been an advocate or participant in casual sex, so it really doesn’t upset me that when I have a boyfriend, I can’t have sex with nobody but him. But that really seems to piss a lot of people off and I’m just wondering what is the big deal?! I’m lost. Must you really fuck every attractive person you meet? It’s that serious right? When you commit and decide to be faithful, that is just a crazy big sacrifice right? Smh. I think people kind of blow commitment up to be more than what it is but hey…maybe it is just me lol. 

What about Free Will?

You know the saying “what’s meant to be will be” or “what’s meant to be will always find a way”?

Well I’ve been struggling with that concept. Keep in mind this is my opinion. I believe that God has a plan for us. He has a place of success that he wants us all to get to. But there’s a catch to that. People kind of look at me crazy when I say that but it only makes sense. I mean if things were going to happen solely because they were meant to be…would we have homeless? Would we have people struggling? Drug addicts? I mean I don’t think God meant for anyone to be 40 sumn living on the streets begging for change.  Yea yea okay what’s your point? What’s the catch? The catch is we have free will. We have the ability to choose our paths in life. Yes God wants us to go one way, but we can decide to go another. I’m not saying everyone who is living on the streets or going through some kind of trial right now brought it onto themselves. But sometimes that is the case. But let’s bring it back to a more specific topic. When people say what’s meant to be will be they are usually talking about relationships or people walking in and out of our lives. It’s kind of a defense mechanism or something to make you feel better. If it was meant to be, it will be.  That’s the justification. Well what if it was meant to be but it didn’t happen because someone fucked up. Someone made the wrong decision or did something stupid in the most major of ways. Is that not possible? Are you telling me that no matter what we do as people…if you are meant to be with someone, it will happen? I tried my best to believe this, to understand this concept and I just don’t. Maybe it’ll take someone breaking it down to me. Or maybe it's just how i feel at the moment because of what I've experienced with people. Example…I was watching The Adjustment Bureau. Hope you seen it cause I’m going to get real specific right about now lol so um, spoiler alert I guess. The two main characters are meant to be, that’s been established. But, the guy makes a decision…he decides that he’s not going to be with her. He walks out on her. And she goes to marry someone else. Now that is kind of out of context but it just illustrates my point. These two people were soul mates, made for each other, true love and all that goodness. But because he made that one decision…they almost (because of course it’s a movie so he had to go get her back) did not end up together. This happens all the freaking time lol. And you might find someone that makes you happy, a good person who genuinely loves and cares about you, like the guy she was going to marry in the movie.  But that doesn’t mean you were supposed to be with them. That spark, that passion, that fire that you had with your true love…you’ll never feel that again with anyone. I guess this is a real pessimistic way of thinking lol, idk…but it’s the only way that makes sense to me. It’s like people are trying not to blame themselves for messing up something that they know would  have been great…instead they just say “It wasn’t meant to be”.   I guess. I'm still back and forth with it myself tho so...whatever.

11th Commandment

I've been through my fair share of experiences in life. Some people may have had it worse by my age, some easier.  But I know that I’ve learned a lot these 21 years of living and I’m still learning. One major thing that I’ve realized…the one thing that is essential to your happiness, fulfillment, and success in life…is self-love. Love thyself. That’s what I consider to be the 11^th commandment. People wonder why things seem to be so difficult, why they have so much trouble in friendships, relationships, family matters. It all goes back to you and how you feel about yourself. So many problems arise when you’re not happy with yourself. You become indecisive, you’re unsure of the decisions that you make and the people you keep around you, you doubt and question everything. You’re in a bad mood most of the time and it rubs off on other people. Half the time you don’t even know why you’re upset. You push people away and then pull them close when it gets too lonely. I know this because I’ve been there. I’m still there honestly but I’ve made progress. I love myself now more than I ever did and that happiness and confidence in me continues to grow every day. Once you make that decision to just be content with yourself, so many realizations come about. You start realizing that you can’t make everyone happy, you realize things will not always go as planned, you realize that you’re going to get your heart broken and you may break a few yourself, you realize that you may not accomplish all your goals, all your dreams may not become reality…its life. You can’t beat yourself up. All you can do is accept…

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

I started saying that prayer all the time, to remind myself to accept all the things I can’t change…including myself. You are who you are and there’s no denying it. So what else is there for you to do except love you. So when you have achieved that happiness, then you’ll attract others that will help to ENHANCE it.

11^th Commandment: Love Thyself.

Females these days can be real foolish, i really don't understand the logic sometimes...

How you're approached depends on how you act and  how you carry yourself. How can you expect to be respected when you're flooding facebook, twitter, tumblr and whatever other social networks with half naked pictures of yourself. I mean seriously, what kind of comments did you expect? This chick (i need to stop adding ppl i don't know on facebook smh) posts a picture of herself, leg propped up on a toilet...boy shorts..and a wife beater that she strategically placed to show off a lower back tattoo. And the caption is "like my shoes?" now you know! lmao, that picture is not about no damn shoes. and yet when a guy comments "I don't know about the shoes but i'm liking everything else i see, how bout you skype me" she catches a major attitude! "don't try me like that!"....don't try you...bitch you tried yaself! lol, i'm sorry but i find this so baffling. Obviously that's the kind of attention you wanted so why you mad? No real man is gonna find that attractive hun. Ugh, it irritates me when females do this. Chicks stay running around screaming chivalry is dead when women are the ones who killed it. It's like we (and i say we because i'm a female, not because i do this lol) accept anything from a man these days. Women are content with being "jumpoffs" or side pieces. So now when a guy runs into a woman who actually has standards and respect for herself, and won't do certain things its "what you won't do the next chick will". Lol, *sigh* i really feel like we as females brought this on ourselves and who knows if we'll ever be able to change it back. I thank God for the few men that actually respect women and still see us as queens and not just something to do.